When I first started writing this newsletter, I just wanted people to like it.
A quick “this is great!” email or text. Someone telling me, in person, they liked reading it. Honestly, silence was fine too.

Silence meant nothing bad had happened - no one was mad, nobody disagreed, nobody thought I had a ‘hot take’ or was saying something ridiculous. For a recovering people pleaser, that felt like success.

But, the only thing constant is change, so as I started getting in to more complex and personal topics, I started getting more feedback. Not just “love this!” but actual thoughts, counterpoints, questions and sometimes even polite disagreements.

Instead of feeling crushed after this critical feedback, I felt - energized.
After feeling crushed for a little while - I am still a very emotional person.

For most of my life, I thought what I wanted was universal approval. I thought the goal was to be so clear, so agreeable, so well-packaged that no one had anything to push back on.
As I’ve grown, I’ve written more and as I’ve gotten more comfortable saying what I actually think, something shifted. When someone disagrees now, I don’t immediately spiral into “Oh no, I’m wrong and should stop talking forever.”

Instead I think: “Oh, Interesting. Tell me more.”

And I don’t think I could have handled that five years ago.

This is also why I think there’s something a little dangerous about ‘going viral’ overnight.

We all think we want it - a huge audience, massive reach, overnight success.

But if you haven’t built the muscle yet to hear contradiction, to sort through opinions, to know who you are and what you stand for, that kind of attention can feel destabilizing.

Slow growth, while less glamorous, builds something important. It builds tolerance. It builds discernment. It builds the ability to hear ten opinions and not let them all rearrange your core beliefs. There’s something steady about growing at a pace where your identity can keep up with your visibility.

So here’s how I’ve been placating my inner people pleaser lately - I’ve been constantly remembering that:

When someone pushes back on you, it means they think it’s worth the effort.
When someone disagrees thoughtfully, it means they think you might listen.
When someone challenges an idea, it means they believe things can evolve.

Silence is easy! We can all scroll to the next post or close a tab. We have a million things vying for our attention, we don’t have to truly focus in on one place. But if someone is focused, and they believe and care about your message and want you to consider an alternative view - well, that’s a good thing.

If you’re ready to flex your contradiction muscles a bit, here are some suggestions:

To be very clear, I still want to be universally liked.

I also want to grow, learn and be part of a larger conversation, And that means I’m going to be getting feedback - good and bad. So, if you have feedback for me - let me know!
I can (usually) handle it!